My Story of Overcoming Addiction. Before During & After. We Do Recover.

Let me just start by saying, I wasn’t sure if i’d ever write this. It took a lot to sit down and really think about my past and what i’ve done. I worried about what people would say about me, how this would affect me. My past doesn’t define me though. I’m not the same person I was, I’ve grown a lot, I’ve come so so far and that’s why I decided to share my story because maybe just maybe it can help someone else.

Drugs. You’re in school and they talk about not doing drugs. You do D.A.R.E, you see what it does to people and you tell yourself you’ll never ever do stuff. You’ll never even look at them….Until you do……. you lose your friends, your family, everything. You lose yourself. You are so deep in it, you aren’t sure how you’ll ever come out. You aren’t sure if you will. Friends try to help, family tries to stop you, they do an intervention. But does it matter? No… the drugs take over your mind, body & soul and you feel so sucked in you can’t even breathe… never in a million years did i think I’d be doing drugs. Never did I think I’d be 10 years clean at 25. Never did I think I’d make it out alive, not in jail.

Here i am. 2 beautiful kids who saved my life and a husband who is my rock. Who made me believe my life was worth more.. Before him I thought I “met the one” You’re young, think you’re in love, think this is your fairy tale so you do it. Just one time you say.. until that one time turns into two, three, four and you just lose count. You’re sleeping wherever, you’re not really eating nor sleeping, you don’t even know who you are anymore. You’ve lost track of the days you’ve been awake. You’re going crazy, seeing things, hearing things, you don’t think about your family anymore. Cause the only family you need is the drugs, or whoever can get you the drugs. You start noticing how thin you’re getting, you start noticing your skin, but you don’t care. The drugs are all you need. Days go by, then months, you’d think after the come downs & the sleep deprivation and the whole not eating, Your body would give up. It doesn’t, You just keep craving that. That high, that high you don’t feel a thing.. or you feel it all. So deeply. Until one day, you almost die. You get beat so badly, you can’t move. You have to be carried. You are so lucky to be here.. That’s the day… I decided to get clean.

Let’s Start At The Beginning…

When you’re a little kid you never really think about all the bad, you don’t really hear about the bad much. Those little minds are just so innocent.

You see growing up. I didn’t have the best childhood in the world but we did get to go to our grandparents A LOT and that was honestly the best! Camping, hiking. Swimming, all of it! They always made sure we had fun! We eventually moved to Arizona when I was just 11 years young. A new state, a new life, a fresh start. I was absolutely torn! Being away from my grandparents was and still is the hardest thing I’ve ever done! Things weren’t all that bad though, I made a ton of friends, went to school, got on the honor roll, did a lot of school activities, I mean it was amazing, not what I expected at all! I had a great group of friends and we hung out all the time. Me and my brothers got to visit our grandparents or they’d visit us which was much needed! We lived a few houses away from my aunt (stepdad’s side) and we’d swim all the time and have BBQ’s! We moved around quite a bit after about a year of living in Arizona which was really difficult on all of us but we made it.

Fast forward to 2009. I’m 14 at the time. Moved again and this time, I wish we didn’t.

I’m not even sure where to start with this part. Some of it I remember, some i don’t.

I thank God everyday I made it out when i did. God 100% saved my life multiple times.

I never pictured me, becoming addicted to drugs at just 14.

You hear a lot of people say it’s because of their past, they blame it on something else like we don’t make that decision everyday to keep poisoning ourselves.

I was 14, thought I was in love, thought I met the one. Whatever he said I did. I was blind. I was young and naive. I smoked weed, I got into partying.. When I say partying I mean every single day, every single night. It was all I did. After almost 2 years of being in a relationship we split up. He was cheating the entire time and I was just done, or so I thought.

When I finally felt okay again, being that young and thinking I was in love was the typical thing right? Well he slithered his way back into my life somehow. He would text me all the right things and come to my house and slowly he creeped back into my life. At this time he was “dealing” and me being so young again I thought nothing of it, well that turned into more.

He was dealing stuff I never saw before, stuff I wish I still never saw. Meth. The drug that literally takes your soul and it’s nearly impossible to get it back. A few times he would come over and ask if I wanted any. I’d say no, he kept asking. He just wouldn’t stop and after so many times I just gave in. Peer pressure is a real thing and I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy. It’s feeling like if you don’t do this you aren’t good enough. When really he wasn’t good enough for me. If only I knew back then what I know now.

So one hit. That’s all it took, one hit of something I’d never thought in a million years I’d be looking at, let alone doing! I was then leaving my house for weeks at a time, my parents terrified, not knowing where I was or what I was doing. Sleeping at houses I’d never even been to before. I will say he never left my side which i’m thankful for because who knows what would have happened if he did.

I can’t even tell you how long this went on for, month after month, my life just became darker and darker, I was so sucked in, I thought this was my life. I stole to get the drugs, some of it is just a blur, it’s like I was there but I wasn’t which is so true. Months came and went, I was sleeping in hotels and at “friends” houses.

The day came when I finally decided to get clean. I am so thankful to be alive. I was with the one who I thought was my life, he did something to a gang and when you do that and they can’t find you (especially on drugs) they will find whoever is closest to you and that’s how they retaliate. Well, Unfortunately that was me… So as I’m walking with some friends we hear a bunch of chaos in the back of us, we turn around and just as I turned around I got a bat to my stomach, knocked me to the ground and then they just start kicking and punching and just beating me. My friends tried to help but they were attacked with axes… (Insane I know) I thought I was going to die right then and there on El Mirage Road…..

Then it stopped and my entire body just ached, I couldn’t move, I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t even scream. At some point my “friends” picked me up and I just cried. They carried me to a park and at that point it was so close to my house I just had them take me home. My mom and stepdad were woken up by me of course and they saw what I looked like and immediately called the ambulance.

Next thing I knew, I was at the hospital and they almost took me away from my parents. This was all a blur. I remember getting home and just not being able to move from my bed. Concussion, broken bones, bloody mess. They had detectives come to my house, but I couldn’t remember much. After all, I was coming down from the drugs and everything was such a blur.

That’s the day I decided to get clean. I decided my life was worth more and cut out every bad person. I detoxed and didn’t move from my bed for over a week. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t drink water without puking. It was absolutely dreadful. If you or someone you know is struggling just know they have to make that change, they have to decide their life is worth more. They have to believe in themselves and push through the bad because I promise it gets so so much better. I’ve been clean ten years. I have an amazing husband, two beautiful, smart, funny kids and a house. I started my own blog (hey) and I work with amazing brands. I completely turned my life around and I couldn’t be prouder of myself.

I’m not going to sit and say it’s easy, cause clearly it’s not. But I don’t crave it ever. I can’t even believe that was me. This was my life at one point. I can’t believe I let it consume me so deeply. I look back and as much as I wish that wasn’t me and it didn’t happen, I have to be thankful it did and I got out. It taught me so much and I’m here now. Thriving.

I have a beautiful family, two kids who keep me going, a husband who is my other half, a blog where I get to do what I love, a house over my head. I couldn’t be more grateful for what I have. We do recover. It is possible.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING MY STORY AND LETTING ME BE VUNERABLE. THANK YOU GOD FOR GIVING ME ANOTHER CHANCE AND THANK YOU TO MY FAMILY FOR NOT GIVING UP ON ME EVEN AT MY WORST.

XOXO, CHEYENNE.